Episode 1.01: Overture
Everyone Leaves Alive
Episode 1: Overture
ADA
One two three four!
(DRUMS, BASS, TAMBOURINE, AND RHYTHM GUITAR PLAY “TITLE SONG.”)
BETH
Two forest roads diverged
but neither fit the bill
so we forged and took the third
the one untraveled still
ADA
and it’s a hard and lonely way
to give the things we give
but what else can we say
there’s no alternative:
BETH AND ADA
Everyone leaves alive
that is our one demand
everyone leaves alive
from your fifth favorite band
Everyone leaves alive
the only way this ends
everyone leaves alive,
leaves alive, leaves alive
BETH
To a hammer, it’s all nails
to a nail, each hit’s a failure
til this goes off the rails
we aim to cure what ails ya
ADA
and it could all end so soon
we want to do this right
so we patch up our wounds
and bring guitars to knife fights
BETH AND ADA
Everyone leaves alive
that is our one demand
everyone leaves alive
from your fifth favorite band
Everyone leaves alive
the only way this ends
everyone leaves alive,
leaves alive, leaves alive
Everyone leaves alive
that is our one demand
everyone leaves alive
from your fifth favorite band
Everyone leaves alive
the only way this ends
everyone leaves alive,
leaves alive, leaves alive!
(BOTTLES CLINK. A VERY MEDIOCRE AMOUNT OF CLAPPING)
SADIE (DISTANTLY)
Woo!
BETH
(INTO A MICROPHONE) Thank you, we are Everyone Leaves Alive! Ada’s on drums, give it up for Ada!
(A VERY MEDIOCRE AMOUNT OF CLAPPING)
BETH
(MIC) Flynn has been rocking lead guitar, let’s hear it for him!
(BORED CLAPPING)
BETH
(MIC) Micah holds down the rhythm guitar for us, round of applause for them!
(SOMEHOW EVEN LESS CLAPPING)
BETH
(MIC) And on bass, I’m Beth. Uh, drive safe and goodnight!
(A SCUFFLE OF EQUIPMENT BEING UNPLUGGED AND PUT AWAY. A LITTLE AMBIENT TALKING.)
ADA
Wow, we’ve literally played rowdier funerals.
BETH
RIP, Gam Gam.
MICAH
Well shit, Ada, what were you expecting on a Tuesday night?
ADA
(GENUINE) No way, it’s Tuesday? Seriously?
MICAH
Been that way all day. If you ever looked at a calendar—
ADA
If you ever looked at the audience while you played—you had your back to them like 90% of the time. I could feel your apathy.
MICAH
And?
BETH
You two, c’mon, y’know what we’ve got zero time for right now?
ADA
Is it our juvenile truculence?
BETH
It’s — yeah, actually. (A BEAT) Good word.
ADA
Thanks, doll, I try.
BETH
Uh, Flynn, what do you need?
FLYNN
Gotta find my…shirt.
ADA
Look, man, I know I’ve said this before. But ripping off your sweaty T-shirt and throwing it to the crowd kinda only works if there’s a crowd.
FLYNN
The spirit moved me.
BETH
Well, please tell the spirit we careening towards the end of our shirt budget.
ADA
Can you hand me that drum case?
FLYNN
Y’know what we should get? We should get roadies.
BETH
In the meantime, we have the magic of teamwork. Flynn, can you help us out here?
FLYNN
I’m finishing my beer.
SADIE
Uh, hey there!
BETH
Hi? Nice guitar. And…amp? Okay.
(SADIE LEAPS ONTO THE STAGE.)
SADIE
(NERVOUS) Hi, I’m Sadie. Sadie Becker? I talked to Ada?
ADA
Sadie, yeah! I thought that was supposed to be in Ohio. This is…almost certainly…Maryland?
MICAH
We’re in Pennsylvania.
ADA
Really?
MICAH
Philadelphia.
ADA
Really.
MICAH
All the Phillies gear didn’t tip you off?
ADA
“Ooh, look at me, I’m Micah, I always know what day and state we’re in!”
BETH
Please, can you both just help me get our stuff in the van? Sorry, Sadie, you were saying?
SADIE
I talked to Ada. About jamming with you guys after the show?
FLYNN
About what?
MICAH
Hey Ada, wanna explain?
ADA
Oh! Sadie, she’s the one, she emailed me a clip of her covering Only Wolves ages ago and I was like, “The band needs to hear this!” so I played it for you, and Beth, you were all, “Ada, that’s amazing!”, your face completely lit up and your eyes were, like, shining, like a stained glass window with the sun behind it.
BETH
(A LITTLE DAZED) They were?
SADIE
(TRYING SO HARD TO STAY CALM. KEEP IT TOGETHER!) They were?
ADA
And Micah probably spoke too, but for the most part I try to tune them out.
BETH
Ada, can we dial down the truculence by like a hundred percent? Nice to meet you, Sadie.
FLYNN
So, like that Beatles song, Sexy Sadie?
SADIE
No relation. Uh, wow, hold on, can I have a sec, I am really nervous.
MICAH
Ada, you know exactly why this is a bad idea.
ADA
Where’s your heart? The kid came here all the way from…
SADIE
Oh! I’ve been staying in Camden. New Jersey.
ADA
She probably drove for hours, just for the chance to—
SADIE
Camden is right next to Philly, it’s like twelve minutes by car. (REALIZING SHE IS WORKING AGAINST HERSELF) …sixteen with traffic?
ADA
Okay, you know what? After everything I’ve done, all the mostly unpaid hours I have put in for this band, I am humbly requesting this one tiny favor, and I think you can find it in your hearts to give me that. Should we put it to a vote?
MICAH
(GROANS)
ADA
Should. We. Vote.
BETH
All in favor, say aye?
ADA
Aye.
BETH
Aye.
ADA
Hell yeah, band babes! Flynn, are you in?
FLYNN
Yeah. I mean, aye.
BETH
All opposed?
MICAH
Nay.
ADA
Love you, too, Micah.
BETH
Alright, Sadie, what have you got?
SADIE
So, yeah, can I just quick say, I love this band so much? All the ghost imagery in your lyrics? How do you come up with this stuff?
BETH (SIMULTANEOUSLY WITH ADA)
We play a lot of tabletop RPGs.
ADA (SIMULTANEOUSLY WITH BETH)
We do a lot of drugs.
(AWKWARD PAUSE)
SADIE
Sorry, I know that’s like, the worst question to ask a creator. Uh, anyway, Charlie at the bar said it’s fine if we do this here, so I guess we just…do this?
(GUITARS ARE REMOVED FROM GIG BAGS AND PLUGGED BACK IN.)
BETH
…and Flynn has wandered off. Again.
ADA
It’s our own damn fault, for standing between that guy and free beer.
BETH
Alright, I think we’ve got about one song left in us. Sadie, d’you mind filling in on lead guitar?
SADIE
Yeah! I mean, no, I don’t mind at all, that’s—yeah.
BETH
Micah?
MICAH
Gimme your water bottles, I’ll go fill us up for the road.
SADIE
I was thinking Show to Show? If that works for you!
BETH
That works.
ADA
Sadie, you sing, right?
SADIE
(“PLAYING IT COOL” NOT AT ALL) Uh, like, constantly!
BETH
Can you take the verses?
SADIE
I can!
(ADA STARTS TO PLAY A BEAT. BETH JOINS IN ON BASS AND SADIE ON RHYTHM GUITAR, WITH OCCASIONAL FLOURISHES OF LEAD. SADIE SINGS HARMONY ON THE CHORUSES, VERY MUCH ADDING SOMETHING.)
SADIE
In the backrooms of the bars
we’re putting makeup on our scars
it’s not much but it is ours
the path we found
back to back or face to face
I’d know you in any place
‘til we finally lose that race
deep in the ground
SADIE, BETH, AND ADA
Forget the ones who say that we aren’t home
Forget the ones who say they know better than we know, you
are my lucky star and I am guided by the glow
town to town, driving around, show to show
town to town, driving around, show to show
SADIE
Face to face or back to back
my favorite double-double act
scream the lyrics to “Love Shack”
inside our van
And we’ve got no address
a moving dot on GPS
a life in transit, yes
That is the plan
SADIE, BETH, AND ADA
So forget the ones who say that we aren’t home
Forget the ones who say they know better than we know, you
are my lucky star and I am guided by the glow
town to town, driving around, show to show
town to town, driving around, show to show
town to town, driving around, show to show!
ADA
Holy shit, you sounded incredible, Sadie! My skin is like, buzzing? Oh dang, Beth, Beth, didn’t Sadie sound amazing?
BETH
Really, really goddamn good. You are the best guitarist I’ve played with, period.
SADIE
Really?
ADA
Look, this is gonna sound crazy, but what if Sadie came to Ypsilanti, and played a song or two with us?
SADIE
Holy hell, uh, Lifelong Dream Alert! Not trying to—crowbar my way into your band, but—
ADA
Are you free this upcoming week?
SADIE
Totally! Absolutely! I am almost depressingly free!
BETH
Ada, you know why that doesn’t—
ADA
I’m not saying the whole way. Just to Ypsi!
BETH
We’d need to vote.
ADA
You know Flynn will be onboard. Micah’s obviously a no, I’m obviously a yes, so it all comes down to you. Didn’t that feel amazing? Come on, Beth, you spend all this time being noble and responsible, don’t you deserve to feel good now and then? Just let the joy echo through you?
BETH
You know it’s not about deserving.
ADA
Then what’s it about?
BETH
It’s—Micah, hey.
MICAH
Waters. (SLOSH SLOSH) The hell’s happening here?
BETH
What if, just for the gig in Ypsi, Sadie—
MICAH
No.
ADA
It’s Ypsi. Nothing bad’s in Michigan. (A BEAT) Other than, y’know. All the—bad stuff. But otherwise!
MICAH
Just because we haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.
SADIE
You guys, I live in Jersey. I can handle Ypsilanti.
ADA
Yeah, okay, Sadie’s green, but one show—
MICAH
And how many miles?
ADA
Micah…
MICAH
Something will come up. Maybe you’ll be able to square it when she gets hurt. I can’t.
ADA
We’ll keep an eye on her.
MICAH
We barely keep an eye on ourselves.
SADIE
What’re you so worried about? Is this, like, a Millennial thing?
MICAH
See? She’s an infant.
SADIE
I’m twenty-two.
BETH
…Micah’s got a point. I’m sorry, Sadie. You’re incredible, that was incredible, but it’s not gonna work out.
ADA
On the bright side, you are so talented. Maybe someday we’ll be opening for you, kiddo.
SADIE
You don’t need to say that. And please don’t call me kiddo. Um, I’m gonna—it was nice to meet you, I’m gonna (ATTEMPTS TO THINK OF A LIE) go…(FAILS TO THINK OF A LIE) cry.
FLYNN
Hey dudes, what’d I miss? Where’s she going? (FOLLOWING SADIE) Hey, can I get your number? I really think you and I had something.
MICAH
Am I still the asshole?
(DURING THIS DIALOGUE, ADA, BETH, AND MICAH ARE MOVING A DRUM SET, A BASS GUITAR, AN ELECTRIC GUITAR, AND A TAMBOURINE OUT OF THE VENUE AND TO THEIR VAN.)
ADA
Well, yeah, always, but…you were right.
BETH
(SIGH) Let’s not do that again.
ADA
It’s okay, I think we’re pretty unlikely to find another Sadie.
I just wanted—remember when this was fun? Remember when we were good? I get it was selfish, and wrong, and I’m sorry, I am, but I wanted a little piece of that back, just for a few minutes. Ever since we lost Davy, things are—
BETH
Can we not talk about that?
MICAH
What’s there to even say? We know more now. Davy sucks. (PAUSE) Don’t.
ADA
Wasn’t gonna. But it’s been a year. Beth, we can’t know what you’re going through, but you’re not the only one who’s grieving—
BETH
See, this sounds like talking about it. (A BEAT) Please, Ada? You say I never ask for anything. This is me asking.
ADA
…D’we think Flynn’s really in there hitting on Sadie?
BETH
Can I say what we’re all thinking? The Flynn thing, it’s been a year, it’s not working. We can’t even find him half the time—
MICAH
Not a lot of people volunteering to live how we live.
ADA
He stepped on Beth, he literally stepped on Beth during his solo in “Hell-Bound.”
MICAH
We’ve tried doing this without a lead guitar. It doesn’t work.
BETH
Yeah, but—shit. (SIGH) No, you’re right.
ADA
Should we go find the kid, bail her out?
BETH
He’s harmless, Sadie’s a grownup, and I didn’t get the strong impression she wants to see us again.
(THE VAN IS UNLOCKED, THE BACK DOORS OPENED. MICAH, BETH, AND ADA DEPOSIT ALL THEIR GEAR, INCLUDING BUT PROBABLY NOT LIMITED TO: A GUITAR IN A CASE, A BASS IN A CASE, A DRUM SET ON WHEELS, A TAMBOURINE IN A ZIPPERED BAG, AND TWO AMPS.)
FLYNN JOGS OUT, DOORS CLOSING BEHIND HIM.
FLYNN
Struck out, can you believe it?
(IN QUICK SUCCESSION)
BETH
Yeah.
ADA
Yep.
MICAH
Yes.
FLYNN
Oh no, did I miss take down, again?
BETH
Somehow.
ADA
Come on. (PULLING HERSELF TOGETHER. THE FOUR BEGIN WALKING AGAIN.) Our midnight appointment awaits.
BETH
It’s almost two. Didn’t we agree on a quarter past?
ADA
Yeah but “two-fifteen appointment” sounds like we’re going to the dentist.
BETH
Hopefully, this involves less pain.
ADA
That’d be way more comforting if any of us had dental.
BETH
With that said. Shall we?
(TRANSITION: BACK IN THE VENUE. BOTTLES CLINKING, A FEW PEOPLE TALKING.)
CHARLIE
Hey Sadie. What’ll it be?
SADIE
The usual.
CHARLIE
Sure thing. You sounded great up there.
SADIE
(DEJECTED) Thanks.
CHARLIE
Aw, what happened?
FX: A GLASS IS POURED AND SET ON THE BAR.
SADIE
Here, I’m closing out. (CASH REGISTER OPENS AND CLOSES, SIP OF BEER) effort: drinking, preferably out of a bottle! You know, it never even occurred to me to ask to play with them for real, but to dangle the thing I want more than anything in the world and then, rip, “oh, you’re too young, oh Sadie, you’re soo good but you’re just a little baby.” Like, what’s the real reason? What’d I do wrong?
CHARLIE
There’s nothing wrong with you. They are extremely weird people.
SADIE
What?
CHARLIE
You haven’t noticed? I thought you’d seen them live like a bunch of times.
SADIE
Yeah, weird how?
CHARLIE
You know, most bands, when they pass through, if they stop to chat, it’s “Hey, what’s a good spot to eat?” or occasionally, “Hey, do you have a drug hookup?” Their only question for me was “Where’s the closest cemetery?”
SADIE
Why couldn’t they look it up on their phones?
CHARLIE
No, I mean it’s very…wannabe goth. What are they, grave robbers?
SADIE
Now there’s a career path.
CHARLIE
Speaking of which, I meant to say: congrats.
SADIE
Thanks.
CHARLIE
So, what’s next?
SADIE
I fully intend to finish this beer.
CHARLIE
In life.
SADIE
Man, I don’t know. I busted my butt on my final folklore project, and now the joke’s on me because I’ve got a degree in what the shifting perceptions of the Loveland Frogman says about climate change. (A BEAT) Oh god, Charlie, help, my major was make-believe.
CHARLIE
You should carry around a fistful of glitter to throw as you say that.
SADIE
I should! Poof. (WISTFUL) This is my plan now, the glitter thing.
CHARLIE
Aw shit.
SADIE
What’s wrong?
CHARLIE
See, this is what I’m talking about, the band and their weirdness. They forgot to pick up their cash.
SADIE
Did they leave a forwarding address?
CHARLIE
Not even a Venmo. (RUMMAGING) Look, can you run it out to them? I shouldn’t leave the bar.
SADIE
…yeah.
CHARLIE
You’re a peach.
SADIE
I’m a bushel. Out the back doors?
CHARLIE
You got it. Hey, open mic next Thursday, you in?
SADIE efforts here: the leaping, the running breaths
Totally. (JOGGING) Hey! You forgot your money! (LEAPING ONTO THE STAGE) Whatever baggage we may have, capitalism is a prison and you still deserve to get paid! (RUNNING THROUGH THE BACK OF THE BUILDING) (DOUBLE DOORS) Hey! (THE VAN PULLS AWAY AS SADIE RUNS UP.) Oh, come on. Don’t do it, Sadie, don’t do it, Charlie can just contact their booking agent and…(SIGH) (TYPING INTO PHONE) “Cemeteries near me.”
(TRANSITION. THE CEMETERY. GRASS UNDER BOOTED FEET.)
FLYNN
So, what’s the play?
BETH
The usual. Looks like there’s outlets in the streetlamps. Probably for Christmas lights, but if we need it, we’ve got power.
ADA
Here’s hoping we don’t. (A BEAT) She’s late.
BETH
She’s got time. We’re early.
ADA
Right. (TAKES IN A BREATH, LETS IT OUT) How do organized people cope? This sucks.
FX: CIRCE APPEARS.
CIRCE
(SPEAKS WITH THE WEIGHT OF IMMORTALITY) We bring a book. Hello. One false move and you shall sorely regret it.
BETH
Circe. Still big on making an entrance.
MICAH
We have what you asked for.
(A BAG FULL OF GLASS JARS CLANKS.)
MICAH
The dying breaths of twelve creatures, each in its own convenient jar.
CIRCE
Ah…
BETH
Are you still willing to honor your side of the bargain?
CIRCE
In truth, I came into that agreement not ever dreaming you would fulfill your half.
FLYNN
Well, we did. So, it’s a pretty great day to be us.
BETH
And given how seriously people in your line of work take contracts—
CIRCE
I cannot help noticing that it took you quite some time.
BETH
You know how we operate. Besides, a timeframe wasn’t part of the deal.
CIRCE
But you said, the first twelve you collected. And rumors have reached me, you have left your mark on our world of late. Clearing that nest of pixies in Albuquerque–
FLYNN
Doesn’t sound familiar.
ADA
Yeah, that had to be the Brethren of the Aspen Cross.
CIRCE
Snuffing out those wills of the wisp in Oklahoma–
ADA
Also the Brethren, does that sound like our style? Babies?
BETH
When was this?
CIRCE
One week past.
BETH
We were in New York then. Look, I can literally pull receipts. (RUMMAGING IN A WALLET) Just let me— Yeah, here, we bought a tank of gas in Syracuse last week.
CIRCE
Hmm.
FLYNN
Wasn’t there, like, a deal we were supposed to be—?
CIRCE
Control your brothers. They are a tipping candle in a room of kindling.
MICAH
They are not our brothers.
CIRCE
When the day of reckoning comes, few will draw the distinction between them and you.
BETH
Let us worry about that. In the meantime, we had a deal. Twelve jars for twelve months of no interference in the mortal world. No killing people for spell ingredients—
CIRCE
Explain to me where I am to find seven thimblefuls of fresh blood.
BETH
The blood bank. The butcher shop. The hospital. The vet hospital.
FLYNN
A couple of real specific dating apps.
CIRCE
I find that…difficult to believe.
ADA
Have you ever been on the internet, Circe?
CIRCE
I have…an “America On-Line” account.
BETH
Okay, so: here. Write down your email address (PAPER SOUNDS) and we’ll do a little legwork, find you plenty of harmless, y’know, blood sources.
CIRCE
(WRITING) Capital C…underscore…
SADIE
(DISTANTLY) HEY!
CIRCE
(INSTANTLY ALERT) Who is that?
BETH
We don’t know her.
SADIE
HEY! BETH, ADA, FLYNN, MICAH!
CIRCE
(THREATENINGLY) I detest liars.
FLYNN
Keep it cool, we barely met this person, it’s not–
SADIE
I HAVE YOUR MONEY!
CIRCE
You hired a mercenary! You hired a mercenary to attack me!
BETH
We absolutely did not! That’s not how hiring a mercenary would even—Circe, put the glowing mandolin down!
FX: CIRCE BEGINS TO HUM AND PLAY A MANDOLIN (DEMO)
MICAH
Shit shit shit!
ADA
Beth?
BETH
(WITH GRIM DETERMINATION) …G minor.
(SINGING)
Ada, clear the area. Setup, Micah—
MICAH
Done!
BETH (SINGING)
Plan A is we sing her down—
FLYNN
Plan B, Fuck that. Run!
FLYNN STARTS TO RUN AWAY
BETH (SINGING)
I hate zombies, much as you, but we need to be brave—
FLYNN
Do the math, there’s four of us and like a thousand graves!
CIRCE
(CASTING A SPELL)
Come now,
you creatures too lost to be found
Come now
Awake, shake the dirt, break the ground—
BETH
Flynn, come back!
CIRCE (SINGING)
They call you harmless
discard now their lies
Arise, arise
Despite the decay
you will see through new eyes
Arise, arise!
(BETH, MICAH, AND ADA BEGIN TO PLAY ALONG WITH THE SONG.)
CIRCE
Oh—
BETH
You must know what we say is true
ADA
So call them off, we’re begging you
BETH
End this mess
CIRCE
Oh—
ADA
You’ve still got time to walk away!
BETH
The city lives another day
ADA
The dead rest!
SADIE (out of breath)
Hey, I have your money, what’s with the glowing mandolin? Charlie was right.
(DISTANT UNDERGROUND THUMPING, TO THE RHYTHM OF THE SONG. WOOD SPLITTING, DISTANT MOANS)
SADIE
What was that?
ADA
Leave before they eat your brains, there’s no time left to question—
SADIE
What.
ADA
I mean, run it’s an earthquake—
SADIE
But you’ll pause for a jam session?
CIRCE (SINGING)
Come now—
ADA
Sadie, please go.
CIRCE
Your coffins can’t keep you for long
SADIE
Here’s a thought: no.
CIRCE
Come now,
ADA
Beth, we are not clear!
CIRCE
Lifeless you may be but strong
MICAH
Too late, Ada, here!
FX: A TAMBOURINE IS TOSSED TO ADA, WHO CATCHES IT. effort: the tossing and catching
CIRCE
Devour these betrayers,
their meat is your prize
arise, arise!
I shall not mourn them
I’ve said my goodbyes
Arise, arise!
Oh—
BETH
Rising corpses, hear our plea
don’t take part in this travesty
keep your will
ZOMBIES
Oh—
ADA
Take a minute, take a breath
remember all the peace of death
and stay still
SADIE
Circe, please, what IS all this?
ADA
You know her?
SADIE
Well, I thought I did.
BETH
Listen to me Circe,
This is Sadie, not a mercen’ry—
SADIE
(SINGS) There is a house in New Orleans
They call the Rising Sun—
FX: ADA AND BETH BEGIN TO BACK HER UP ON THEIR INSTRUMENTS (DRUMS AND BASS)
SADIE
(SINGS) And it’s been the ruin of many a poor girl,
And oh, I know I’m one
MICAH
Sadie, catch!
FX: SADIE CATCHES MICAH’S GUITAR AND BEGINS TO PLAY LEAD
SADIE
(SINGS) If I had listened to what my mother said,
I’d have been at home today
But I was a young and foolish girl,
Oh, I was led astray…
CIRCE
I know that voice…
SADIE
Yeah, hi, I figured you wouldn’t remember my name. It’s Sadie. I’m Sadie. We’ve done a ton of the same open mics. I’ve lost local talent shows to you like three times. I could never be a mercenary, look how weedy my little arms are, I don’t even lift!
CIRCE
Sadie…
ADA
Yeah, it’s just Sadie.
CIRCE
None of you betrayed me.
BETH
You’re right, yeah, we didn’t. We honored the deal, like you said.
CIRCE
You make a strong case.
ADA
Thank you.
CIRCE
On the other hand, I’ve already gone to the trouble of reviving them, and now they must feast!
ADA
What about no murders in the mortal world?
BETH
What about agreements?
CIRCE
My dears, I won’t touch a hair on your heads.
(CIRCE BEGINS TO PLAY MANDOLIN AGAIN)
CIRCE
(SINGING)
So show them no mercy
ignore all their cries
arise, arise
Arise! Arise!
(THE UNDERGROUND SOUNDS INTENSIFY)
CIRCE
So with the generous gift of those jars—
MICAH
Oh, these jars?
(GLASS CLANKING AGAINST GLASS)
CIRCE
How! How in the seven worlds did you sneak—
MICAH
You were busy watching Sadie. Who probably should’ve won those talent shows.
CIRCE
You impertinent worm!
ADA
Hey now, worms help with soil health. Unlike you.
CIRCE
(MORE CONFUSED THAN OFFENDED) What? What does that even…
MICAH
Call them off, Circe. Call them off or—(JARS CLANK) I’ll smash every jar in this bag.
CIRCE
No mortal with the knowledge of such power would dare ever destroy them.
MICAH
Okay. Let’s test me. (JARS CLANK) Call them off.
CIRCE
Please, we could share the bounty together. Under my guidance, you’d be unstoppable—
MICAH
Who gives a shit? You don’t threaten my band.
BETH
Also, for the record, raising a bunch of zombies within city limits is absolutely mass murder, and you know it. I really wanna believe you’re better than that, Circe.
MICAH
My grip is slipping…
JARS CLANK.
CIRCE
…Very well.
(SINGING AND PLAYING MANDOLIN)
Rest now,
Where you were left, you must stay
Rest now,
Nestled in loam and in clay
Peaceful you lie now
Your secrets will keep
So sleep, so sleep
You shall fight no more
So quiet and deep
So sleep, so sleep!
So sleep, so sleeeeeep!
(THE POUNDING, SPLINTERING STOP)
CIRCE
My jars?
MICAH
Here. (GLASS CLANKS)
CIRCE
Very well. I will remember this.
(CIRCE VANISHES WITH A WHOOSH OF WIND)
MICAH
(LONG EXHALE) Everyone okay?
ADA
In one piece over here.
BETH
Same. Any stirrings from below? No? Holy shit, that was close.
ADA
Another one for the scrapbook!
BETH
Woo!
ADA
High fives, everyone!
(FX: A SERIES OF HIGH FIVES, SOME VOCALIZATIONS ALONG THE LINES OF “YEAH!” AND “ALRIGHT!”)
BETH
Micah, thank you.
MICAH
What else was I gonna do?
BETH
Ada, coming in clutch with those off-the-cuff lyrics.
ADA
Right back atcha, doll! Micah, good job saving our asses or whatever.
BETH
Sadie, that was quick thinking, of course she’d recgonize your singing voice.
SADIE
Uh…
BETH
Sadie?
SADIE
Zombies. Zombies are real. Midcentury-style movie zombies. George Romero. Fucking, George Romero got it right? And you sang, you slowed down their arrival using a magic song. You did magic. (A BEAT) See, this is where one of you stops me and says, ‘Sadie, don’t be ridiculous.’
BETH
Technically, you did magic, too. Getting Circe to pause like that.
SADIE
What.
ADA
Y’see, some bands, when they play well enough, with a clear enough goal, they can, uh, give things a nudge. Sometimes.
SADIE
What?
MICAH
Sadie, what’s in your hand?
SADIE
Right! It’s your cash, from Charlie at the bar? Here. (PAPER RUSTLE)
ADA
Oh man, I totally spaced! Sorry, folks!
MICAH
Ada—
BETH
Thank you, Sadie. (PAPER RUSTLE, BILLS SHUFFLED THROUGH) Looks like…twenty-seven dollars.
ADA
It’ll still help get us to St. Louis.
MICAH
If we sleep in the van.
SADIE
Why, what’s in St. Louis, aliens? Mummies? The New Jersey Devil on vacation?
MICAH
Haunted auditorium.
SADIE
Hey, could anyone else use a drink?
ADA
How about…There’s a back room at the bar, and I always travel with a waffle maker and mix.
SADIE
Why?
BETH
(THIS IS VERY OBVIOUS) In case someone needs waffles.
(TRANSITION: WAFFLES SIZZLING IN A WAFFLE IRON)
SADIE
This is so wild. How many bands know they can rewrite the fabric of reality? Why aren’t there scores of ex-girlfriends getting back together with sketchy bassists?
ADA
I think, of the groups we’ve met on the road, maybe one in ten can do it, and know they can? There’s a random element to who can cast, plus everyone playing needs to be very focused on the same goal.
BETH
Also, no magic can make people fall in love.
ADA
Except, like, the magic of normal-ass chemistry.
SADIE
But if you can literally change the world by playing music…why aren’t you, like, SO famous?
BETH
Because that would be using it for personal gain. Which we don’t do.
SADIE
I’m sorry, I need—way more information. Was Fleetwood Mac out there casting spells? BTS? Is Weird Al a goddamn sorcerer?
ADA
We don’t know.
BETH
Most bands don’t really talk about it, for pretty obvious reasons. And I don’t know many doing what we do.
SADIE
And that’s another thing! You’re monster hunters?
MICAH
No.
SADIE
But—
BETH
We don’t hunt, slay, or bust. We solve supernatural problems. Less Van Helsing, more—a cross between crisis counselors and animal control.
SADIE
Uh, can I ask —your first guitarist, Beth’s stepbrother Davy? He used to be all over your socials.
BETH
Just “brother.” Dad married Davy’s mom when we were toddlers, and he was—uh. Yeah, “brother” is fine.
ADA
What we do, it’s really hard. You can, uh, lose people, sometimes.
SADIE
Oh wow, I’m sorry. So, what now?
MICAH
Waffle’s done.
(A WAFFLE IRON IS OPENED, A WAFFLE IS PLOPPED ONTO A PAPER PLATE. MORE BATTER IS POURED IN. IT HISSES. WAFFLE IRON SHUTS.)
SADIE
I meant, do I just—go back to proofreading my resumé and prepping for interviews, and forget that monsters exist and a small indie rock band from the American midwest is what stands between humanity and, and chaos?
MICAH
That’s what I’d say.
SADIE
Yeah, well, that blows. And you three, you need help. You can’t possibly tell me you have enough people to take on all of the problems out there.
BETH
…it’s true, we don’t. Especially without a lead guitarist.
ADA
Again.
SADIE
You need a player who won’t scream and run away at the first sign of supernatural trouble. (DEEP BREATH) And I need a job.
MICAH
What we do is so dangerous—
SADIE
I figured. Look, I’m motivated, I can drive the van and book you gigs and oh yeah, I shred on the guitar. Also, not to brag, but I did just stay pretty calm in the face of…all that. Trial run?
BETH
You were a big help.
MICAH
She caused the problem in the first place.
ADA
Circe had that “raise undead” spell at the tip of her tongue. She was looking for an excuse.
MICAH
We can’t keep—
BETH
We can’t keep relying on the Flynns of the world, either. Remember, Flynn? This tall, smells like free beer, left us in the lurch?
ADA
Shall we put it to a vote?
MICAH
You are kidding me.
BETH
Just a reminder, to induct a new member, it’s gotta be unanimous. All in favor, say “aye”? Aye.
ADA
Aye. Band babes!
MICAH
Trial basis only. Slip up and you’re on the next Greyhound outta here, understood?
BETH
Micah.
MICAH
This is not a bit. Also, you’ll have to cover your ticket ‘cause those things are expensive.
BETH
Micah, you know procedurally it doesn’t count unless—
ADA
Micah, say “aye” or “nay” before poor Beth has an aneurysm.
MICAH
…aye.
SADIE
Okay. Okay! Okay, then.
BETH
Are you okay? It seems like you’re actually dealing with this really well.
ADA
When Beth found out, she fainted.
(WAFFLE IS REMOVED AND DROPPED ON A PAPER PLATE, MORE BATTER POURED IN.)
SADIE
The world’s been a mess for my entire life. It’s actually kind of exciting to find a cause I can put my shoulder behind.
ADA
That’s the spirit!
SADIE
Oh my god, did I just find a job where it’s actually gonna help me to have a degree in folklore?
ADA
You studied folklore?
BETH
Well, that is VERY interesting.
SADIE
Thanks so much for taking me on. And um, sorry about Davy. RIP.
BETH
Oh, no, Davy’s alive.
ADA
Kind of.
MICAH
He sold out.
BETH
He’s a vampire. An actual–I mean, yeah, y’know. Not a metaphor. He left us to go join the Sanguines. Uh, big fancy vampire clan.
ADA
It’s so messed up, like, he was Beth’s brother and my best friend, y’know? And with Micah, it’s maybe even worse—
MICAH
Ada.
(PAUSE. A CELL PHONE RINGS.)
MICAH
(GRATEFUL FOR THE SUBJECT CHANGE) I should take that. (ACCEPTS CALL) Hello?
SADIE
Wait, was that THE Circe of myth and legend?
BETH
There’s no way to tell. Witches like reusing names.
ADA
It was definitely A Circe.
MICAH
(INTO PHONE) Okay. Yeah, no, got it. Be there by morning. No problem. (TO THE OTHERS)
Remember that creature collector out in Ohio?
ADA
Yeah?
SADIE
What?
MICAH
He died. Heart attack. When his daughter got there, the biggest cage was busted open.
BETH
Oof. Okay.
MICAH
Said she’d pay us 2000 dollars to bring back whatever it was.
ADA
Where’s our next show?
BETH
Ypsi, in three days.
SADIE
I think that’s roughly on the way.
ADA
You said you could drive the van?
SADIE
Totally!
(KEYS ARE TOSSED AND CAUGHT.)
MICAH
Good enough.
ADA
Beth, as long as we’re doing this right, you wanna say the thing?
MICAH
Nooo…
ADA
Say the thing! Say the thing!
BETH
(GRINNING) Okay people, let’s rock n roll.
CREDITS
Starring Miatta Lebilé as Beth
D Casellian as Ada
Ren Alberg as Micah
Eydalon Lloyd as Flynn
Emily Agy as Sadie
Garrett Niall as Charlie
Louisa Blatt as Circe
Written by Jessica Best
All instruments arranged and performed by Chiron Star
Directed by Ian Geers and Lauren Grace Thompson
Produced by Ian Geers and Lauren Grace Thompson
Music direction and additional composition by Alex Kownatzki
Sound design by Jino Jang-Hansen
Everyone Leaves Alive 